Countdown

In five days, I’ll be back in produce. Well, maybe. There aren’t many guarantees in life. In fact, no one in management has said anything to me about it yet. But, I mean… C’mon! The current department supervisor, Dustin (who shall henceforth be referred to as “Karaoke”), will either be starting his new job in a different store on Saturday or otherwise he will be gone on vacation. Either way, they will need someone over there by Monday. The 18th starts a new pay period, so that would be the most logical time to have the new DM begin. The requisition has been up for 4 days already. Who knows? If I don’t get  the job though, I’m done with fresh. Just wash my hands of that side altogether.

And for the record, the reason I will call him Karaoke is because of the fact that he is known for breaking out into song at random moments. It’s all out of tune and usually laden with mangled/incorrect lyrics. He once admitted that he likes to sings karaoke at bars outside of town. And finally, today he informed me that if I do become his replacement, singing out loud would be the most critical aspect of the position. Not culling, cleaning, stocking or anything else remotely associated with produce. It is to be assumed that he was joking. Nice guy though. I’ll miss him.

Chicken & Andouille Gumbo

Servings: 12 bowls

Ingredients:
1 large chicken
1 pound andouille sausage, cut into 1/4″ diagonal slices
4 medium onions, chopped
2 small bell peppers, chopped
1 bunch green onions, diced
4 stalks of celery, chopped
3 tbs parsley, finely chopped
2 cups okra, sliced
2 large tomatoes, peeled and chopped
1 cup of all purpose flour
1 cup of oil
4 cups of hot water (or chicken broth)
black pepper
salt
red cayenne pepper
1 tbs Tony Chachere’s Creole seasoning
2 bay leaves
1 clove garlic, minced

Preparation:
First you saute the okra, stirring often for about 20 minutes. Add the tomatoes and mash so they mix really good with the okra. After about five more minutes, remove from heat and set aside.

Then cut up your chicken, wash and season with salt and pepper. Heat oil and fry chicken until browned. Remove chicken from skillet and set aside. Once it cools, debone and tear into small chunks.

Add 1 cup of flour slowly to hot oil in skillet (the same one you just took the chicken out of) Cook the oil and flour mix slowly, stirring constantly over medium heat. The flour must be browned to a dark brown, nearly black, but not burnt. (This is the hard part. And it could take 45 minutes to an hour)

Once the roux is ready, add the bay leaves, onions, bell peppers and celery. Stir occasionally until onions start to become clear. (about 15 minutes)

Add sliced Andouille and chicken, cover and simmer for about 1/2 hour. Stir often, keeping the heat low.

Add the tomato and okra mixture. Then add the water, garlic, parsley and 1/2 of the green onions. Increase the heat until the mixture comes to a slow boil. Lower the heat to simmer, cover and cook for for 1 1/2-2 hours or until chicken is tender.

Try to find the bay leaves and discard.

Best served on the second day. Serve over lightly salted rice. Top with diced green onion and hot sauce to taste.

Mad Mary Moolah

Name: Mad Mary Moolah

Affiliation: Evil Interloper

Entrance Theme: “Dead Body Man” by ICP

Signature Move: The Moolah Whip (Moolah grabs the opponent by their hair and whips them through the air)

Foreign object: Paint Scraper

Catchphrases: “I’m here to kick Ass” , “I’m not a girly-girl, I’m the bitch that makes you bleed”

Biography:
Mad Mary fought in several North American independent promotions, before joining the Acrid Wrestling Enterprise (AWE). She is known for having had rivalries with both herself and the entire world. She was known for wrestling barefoot and her high flying wrestling maneuvers. It was one of those crazy moves that earned her the nickname ‘Mad’ and nearly ended her career when she missed her mark and severely injured her neck.

Now fully healed from her injury, Mary is back and ready to kick ass. Being a woman does not stop her from attacking larger, male opponents. With quickness and speed, Mary has already proven to be a valuable asset for the CSS.

Terry “The Hatchet” Hatcher

Name: Terry “The Hatchet” Hatcher

Affiliation: Graveyard Guardian

Entrance Theme: “Born in the U.S.A.” by Bruce Springsteen

Signature Move: Nose Dive Splash Down (Spinning Aerial splash), Hatchet Thrust Uppercut

Foreign object: 1×4 with nails

Catchphrases: “That’s the price you pay” , “It’s time to Hatch!”

Biography: Formerly of the Clean Sweep Syndicate, Hatchet has changed his ways and vows to assist the Graveyard Guardians  in their undying quest to subdue the CSS menace.

Short and stout, Hatchet is no mere pushover. There’s a reason the great wrestling strategist, Billy Bad Ass originally hired him. Hatchet lacks almost any fighting skill whatsoever but he is nearly impossible to take down with his low center of gravity. Anyone that gets in his way is sure to receive a mighty “Hatchet Thrust” uppercut, guaranteed to land them in next week.

Don “The Skunk Ape” Sewers

Name: Don “The Skunk Ape” Sewers

Affiliation: Villain

Entrance Theme: “Icky Thump” by The White Stripes’

Signature Move: “Icky Thump” (Side belly to belly suplex)

Foreign object: An acrid stench

Catchphrases: ”Rawr”

Biography: “The Skunk Ape” was introduced in April 2015, by Acrid interim General Manger, Janet Lilith as a means of controlling the Horde. Simply being in the building with the Skunk Ape is punishment enough but to actually have to touch him is excruciating torture.

With an odor powerful enough to peel paint, The Skunk Ape doesn’t even need to fight. Unfortunately, his morbidly obese frame prevents him from moving around very much. The only matches he ever won was due to his opponents fleeing the graveyard in sheer terror causing a count out to occur.

The Skunk Ape is unusual in that he is a natural zombie. According to legend, he died of natural causes due to poor health, but he smelled so awful that Death refused to collect his soul. Now he roams the graveyard, forever undead.

“Congo” Mike Hennessy

Name: “Congo” Mike Hennessy

Affiliation: Graveyard Guardian

Entrance Theme: African Zulu Drum Music

Signature Move: Congo Splash (Running splash, sometimes from the top rope)

Foreign object: Gold plated Kuboton

Catchphrases: ”Shame man, don’t you want to take some muti for that babelaas?” , “It’s Killing Time!”

Biography: Mike wasn’t always known as “Congo”. As a distinguished archaeologist, DR. Hennessy left America to investigate a recently discovered, African burial site. Local natives attacked him and his team, infecting them with a strange Voo Doo curse that affects “Congo” Mike even to this day.

Being somewhat underweight, “Congo” appears to be a veritable pushover but his experience in the martial arts makes him a bona fide contender against nearly any opponent. His luchador style moves are difficult to counter but his quick temper always throws him off balance, rendering him vulnerable to larger opponents.

Kevin “Tomahawk” Thompson

Name: Kevin “Tomahawk” Thompson

Affiliation: Villain

Entrance Theme: Red Right Hand by Nick Cave

Signature Move: Shake, Rattle and Roll (Swinging neckbreaker, with theatrics)

Foreign object: Hardback copy of “War And Peace” by Leo Tolstoy

Catchphrases: ”My head’s in a cloud but I’m loud and I’m proud and now it’s time to wow the crowd”

Biography: Tomahawk originally signed with the Graveyard Guardians on April 1st, 2015, only to pull an April Fool’s joke and eventually side with the Clean Sweep Syndicate after setting up several Guardians for a vicious beat down by “Bad Ass” and his gang of heartless thugs.

Tomahawk, as it turns out is the brother of ex-CWEED brute, “Tennessee” Todd Thompson  who left the building unceremoniously, two years ago. Blaming the Guardians for his departure, Tomahawk is now set on revenge.

Strong and intelligent, Tomahawk could be a deadly threat to the Guardians if he ever quits hiding behind the skirts of the CSS.

Mike “Weasel” Wheezer

Name: Mike “Weasel” Wheezer

Affiliation: Villain

Entrance Theme: “Middle,” by Rocket From The Crypt

Signature Move: Coffin Drop (Hammerlock,  transitioned into a scoop slam)

Foreign object: Thick leather belt with large brass buckle, often wrapped around fist

Catchphrases: “I’m a gonna drop you into your coffin, boy”, “Can you move a bit closer?”

Biography: Personally handpicked by Billy “Bad Ass” Scrubbington to join the Clean Sweep Syndicate on April Fool’s Day 2015, Weasel is destined to be nothing more than an expendable lackey with no chance of making it solo.

Weasel has major breathing problems which prevent him from engageing in any activities that require endurance or stealth. But, with his large size, he can certainly be a formidable opponent if only for a short time.

Melissa “Lil Red” Wasp

Name: Melissa “Lil Red” Wasp

Affiliation: Favorite

Entrance Theme: “One Life (Feat. Daddy X, Johnny Richter And Judge D)” by Kottonmouth Kings

Signature Move: Mangalizer (Swinging Reverse STO)

Foreign object: roll of quarters

Catchphrases: “One life, one love, only one way to play!”, “Eh, What’s up Doc?”

Biography: On October 29, 2013 she won the Stranglehold Wrestling Death Match Tournament, the first deathmatch tournament in CWEED. “Lil Red” is the bubbly baby face. She’s down to earth and very friendly, but she is serious when it comes to the ring. She’s not the biggest or the baddest, but she has a lot of heart and passion for the business. She’s held titles and wrestled for a few years, but she still wants to prove that she is more than just a pretty face.

Strengths and Weaknesses: She’s very quick and very mindful of what she does in the ring but she’s also naive, a little ditsy, and kinda silly at times.

Hailey Hatred

Name: Hailey Hatred

Affiliation: Favorite

Division: Vixens

Entrance Theme: Rage Over A Lost Penny, Opus 129 by Beethoven

Signature Move: Barbie Crusher (Guillotine drop, sometimes while applying a hammerlock) – Innovated

Foreign object: Blackjack

Catchphrases: “Let the band play on”, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

Biography: She is best known for her tenure in Truckstop Wrestling under the ring name Hailey Laveaux where she had a celebrated career as both, a Lizards Champion and a two time Ringside Reptile winner.

Strengths and Weaknesses: Hatred knows no bounds when it comes to enchanting maneuvers. She may be slow in getting warmed up but once in motion, she is hard to stop.